Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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