I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
