I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
kristin has been a bad kristin
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
