i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
