she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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