About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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