Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
