Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
