why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
