forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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