whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
