He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
