To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
