I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
