Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
