If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize