someone threw a dead crab at me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
