just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
