Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
