what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
