Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
