Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
