i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
