Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The power of my boobs compel you
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize