ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
