Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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