Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
