I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
