this boner is exhausting
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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