I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
