First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
