Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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