Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
