He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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