I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
