If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
