can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
