Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
