we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
