I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
