Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
