i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
