Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Boobs are out for the taking
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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