I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize