Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
