Non-Jews are for practice
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
