Barsexuality is the new black.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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