White coat. Heels.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
