The best revenge is premature balding
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
