So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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