I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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