She is in my trunk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
