Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
