he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
