OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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