i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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