The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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