The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
