I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
