I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
