He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
