We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
