Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
