I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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