and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
4 words: hood of his car
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
