Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
