not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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