why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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