in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
