I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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