He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
