I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
