I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
