So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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