I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
