Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
