They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
