I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
