You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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