Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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