So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
