your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
